Just take me as I am..

 Or have nothing at all...

According to Oxford languages, an ultimatum is a noun a final demand or statement of terms, the rejection of which will result in retaliation or a breakdown in relations. I find this definition to have a negative connotation. Why is enforcing your own personal boundaries in such a black and white way feel like a threat to anyone?

When I refer to an ultimatum I'm not thinking of it as a way to threat anyone to do something. I mean it as enforcing your own boundaries without compromising no matter how much it hurts. According to Shabnam Brady, " In collectivist cultures, family members identify closely with one another and often make decisions for the family as a whole rather than for the self. Sacrifice, honor and loyalty are some of the core values of such families and cultures. For example, saying no to the family or setting limits on simple family events or dinners may be perceived as selfish and rude." Yes, I know we didn't all grow in a collectivist culture but with my experience living in different countries this seems to be the quite normal everywhere.

I wish that many of us would take there time to really get to know who you are inside out. It's not an easy journey to delve into your innermost parts of who you are. Many of us are filled with trauma that we didn't even know we inherited. I believe that in order to be able to have authentic relationships with others then boundaries need to be placed. 

Many of us have been down and out, wrote about, talked about constantly, been up and down and pushed around. We all want to live with no regrets and be able to accept the past because we believe all those things helped shape who we we are and even though we have all felt lost and found we stand strong knowing there's a reason for everything. 

But once you decide to truly accept and love yourself you realize that sometimes you need to be adamant about your boundaries. Choose yourself even when you can't see clearly who that is, because the only person you will be in a relationship with for the rest of your life is yourself.

Never forget how far you've come

 Sometimes it's hard to really see your progress especially when you're in the thick of it. Life will always throw you a curve ball. I really wanted to grow my blog in 2023 but instead I was thrown into a caretaker role for my father. 

Now, I must admit that I took on the role thinking I would be able to handle it all. My father lives in a bodega in Honduras. It is the saddest thing to know who my grandparents were and how my father had decided to live his life. Nonetheless, I am proud that I was able to put aside so much pain and trauma and fully took on the role of the next of kin for the Serra family.

Taking the role on led to a lot of pain and stress. I finally took the lead to speak with truth and boldly called out the injustice being carried out by my father's sisters. This is still an ongoing legal situation so I can't really say much, except that the truth will be known and justice will be obtained.

In the midst of taking care of my dad, I was led to travel to Honduras quite a bit in 2023. This made my wheels turn because I really want to build a bridge between my worlds and make some money at the same time. But instead I was met with a person I have loved for a very long time.

Here I was in the most delicate situation and out of nowhere God led me to a man I have loved for a long time but never felt adequate for him. Ive been in therapy for 5 years and thought if I don't let him know I will never know.

Well, it all was going well till it wasn't. Getting ready to marry and then it all went down the drain. This experience had led me to take a real good look at my life and what I want and how I want to go about it. It has also led me to see how hard I've worked to get to where I am. Don't let anyone else's insecurities become yours!

Restoration is what I need

Someone to scrape and chip 'til I bleed. I love this album! This week I took a much-needed rest from it all. But to be honest, I found it much harder to truly rest and restore.

Not sure if this happens to anyone else but you decide to take time off only to find yourself coming up with tasks to keep yourself busy. Can you believe that?! 

Here I am blessed to afford to take a week off work and I'm finding ways to keep myself busy!!!  Oh well, guess that's one of those ironies of life. 

These past few months have been full of changes. Some good some not so good either way I've had a hard time adjusting to it all and this week I have been able to catch up with myself, and boy, have I been operating on E for a minute. 

Though I was unable to let myself be a full couch potato it felt great to be able to spend some time doing nothing. 

Sometimes you need time to restore yourself! 

Soon I will be free...

 Freedom we might all know the definition but I'm not sure if we can truly comprehend the meaning. Yesterday morning, as I drove to work tears, started to roll as I thought about all the places my eyes have been able to see, and all the experiences I've lived. 

My immediate reaction was to tear up, I've been blessed so much and now I get to work to improve people's quality of life. 

I love how music can truly help you connect at times. There is no better feeling than to know that life is a canvas and if allow yourself to dream you can reach places you've never even dreamed about. 

Sometimes we forget that that is freedom. The ability to see one's life as a canvas and that we can create and recreate on our canvas as we like. So, go out there and create your canvas the best representation of what freedom means to you.

Happiness hit her...

 like a train on a track!!! It's funny how we go on through life creating our reality without even realizing how much power we have. I've spent most of my life believing that my choices have been influenced by the cards life dealt me or the choices others have taken. And though there is truth to my previous statement today I realize how much power I've all along to create my reality.

Life is never easy but depending on the lens you decide to use it can make it harder or easier for you.

I've never been happy till today. I don't mean happiness as the euphoric blissful state you're thinking, I mean the actual conscious state of feeling happy. Depression and anxiety can make you feel trapped but once you face those demons life starts to unfold.

So run fast my dears, run for yourself and your own pursue of happiness because it's right in front of you even in the darkest moments!

Let it go!

 This past weekend was not the most pleasant one. My entire being asked to take it easy and rest. While I was being a vegetable on my couch I started to realize how hard it is for me to let things go.

I mean I can seriously hold on to things so tight that I don't realize how much it's hurting me. After having so many diverse experiences in life you would think that I would have learned to let things go and move on. 

This week, I decided to learn to let go and move on more practically. No more holding on to anything tangible or intangible that doesn't help me grow!

So, started by cleaning my fridge!! (I hate cleaning the fridge!) But man did it feel good to throw out anything that no longer was good or was just sitting there.

Little by little I will master the art of letting go!

It's been a while since...

I can hear Aaron Lewis' voice as I think about this blog. It has been a while since I've sat down and started jotting down my thoughts. So many things have happened. But instead of trying to give an account of what's happened, I will fill in the gaps whenever needed. I mean it's only been seven years since I last wrote anything.

I believe I was still in China the last time I wrote a blog post. Well, now I'm back in Chicago I moved back in July 2017. Wow, how fast time goes by. It's been five years since I've been back. I can't believe it. I cried for so long and now I'm itching to leave again lol.

Sitting here today, I can't believe that I've basically completed my bachelor's degree and currently work as a research coordinator. 

I've spent time working through my trauma and even though it's a continuous process I feel like I have a better grip on things.

I got my sidekick (Akira!) She's a spoiled Shiba Inu diva that I would do anything for! I'm telling you so many changes have taken place and so many more are coming up?