Just take me as I am..

 Or have nothing at all...

According to Oxford languages, an ultimatum is a noun a final demand or statement of terms, the rejection of which will result in retaliation or a breakdown in relations. I find this definition to have a negative connotation. Why is enforcing your own personal boundaries in such a black and white way feel like a threat to anyone?

When I refer to an ultimatum I'm not thinking of it as a way to threat anyone to do something. I mean it as enforcing your own boundaries without compromising no matter how much it hurts. According to Shabnam Brady, " In collectivist cultures, family members identify closely with one another and often make decisions for the family as a whole rather than for the self. Sacrifice, honor and loyalty are some of the core values of such families and cultures. For example, saying no to the family or setting limits on simple family events or dinners may be perceived as selfish and rude." Yes, I know we didn't all grow in a collectivist culture but with my experience living in different countries this seems to be the quite normal everywhere.

I wish that many of us would take there time to really get to know who you are inside out. It's not an easy journey to delve into your innermost parts of who you are. Many of us are filled with trauma that we didn't even know we inherited. I believe that in order to be able to have authentic relationships with others then boundaries need to be placed. 

Many of us have been down and out, wrote about, talked about constantly, been up and down and pushed around. We all want to live with no regrets and be able to accept the past because we believe all those things helped shape who we we are and even though we have all felt lost and found we stand strong knowing there's a reason for everything. 

But once you decide to truly accept and love yourself you realize that sometimes you need to be adamant about your boundaries. Choose yourself even when you can't see clearly who that is, because the only person you will be in a relationship with for the rest of your life is yourself.