Running From Fear to Faith

This past week, I found myself paralyzed by fear. I couldn’t go to work, trapped in the overwhelming belief that I was going to be fired. It all started when a former coworker reported me to HR over something I wrote. And just like that, fear set in—heavy, suffocating, and relentless.

What’s funny is how familiar this feeling is. I’ve spent much of my life running—not only emotionally but physically too, from country to country. I run because I feel shame, I run because of fear, and mostly, I run because I’m misunderstood. I know I can be what some call a "sandpaper person"—someone who rubs others the wrong way. I don’t deny that. My intentions are always good, but my delivery and approach could use refining.

I’ve always strived to be authentic and honest. And while that sounds admirable, sometimes it comes out as abrasive bluntness that no one really wants to hear. People think I’m bossy, that I want things done my way. Honestly, when I was younger, maybe that was true. But now? Now I just want my experience and point of view to be respected. I want to be heard, not misunderstood.

But here’s what I’m beginning to realize: God is involved in everything I do, say, or experience. I’ve spent so much time trying to make the world see me for who I am, but perhaps God has been trying to show Himself through me. Maybe the world doesn’t need to see me—they need to see Him.

I’ve been so focused on my shortcomings and the distress I feel that I’ve overlooked the supernatural things God has been doing in my life. I keep getting caught up in how people perceive me, how they misunderstand me, but God’s purpose is bigger than my fears, bigger than my shame, and bigger than the people who wish evil upon me.

Like Joseph in the Bible, what others mean for harm, God turns into something good. Time and time again, I’ve seen this truth play out in my life. Every setback, every moment of pain, God has used for a greater good that I couldn’t see at the time.

So to those who doubt me, to those institutions or people who try to stifle me—you’re messing with the wrong person. I am a child of the King, and my life is guided by His purpose, not by the opinions or actions of others.

It’s time to stop running. Not from fear, but toward the faith that God is working in all things, even in the moments that feel like defeat.