This Corner of the Earth smiles at me!
Thursday, August 21, 2025
Breathing Through the Weight of Depression
Thursday, August 14, 2025
The Quiet That Found Me
For most of my life, silence felt like a threat. Growing up, it often meant tension was in the air—something unspoken, something waiting to erupt. I learned to fill every empty space with conversation, movement, and noise. It was easier to stay busy than to sit still with whatever the quiet might reveal.
I carried that habit for years, across countries, jobs, and chapters of my life. Honduras, the U.S., Nicaragua, Costa Rica, China—wherever I landed, I surrounded myself with people, tasks, and responsibilities. My mind was a constant loop of “what’s next?” I spoke when I didn’t need to. I agreed to things I didn’t want. I moved so fast I barely noticed the days passing.
But life has a way of forcing you to pause. Loss, grief, and healing stripped me down to the essentials. I faced the conversations I had avoided, let go of the people who no longer walked beside me, and allowed myself to feel the years of pain I had kept tucked away. I burned through anger, hurt, and longing until there was nothing left to spill.
Now, silence feels different.
It is no longer an empty space to fill but a rich, steady presence. I crave it—not to hide from life, but to watch it unfold without the need to control every piece. In the quiet, I see the light shift in my home as the day moves on. I hear my own breath. I feel my shoulders loosen. I notice that life keeps going whether I push or simply let it be.
And here is the unexpected gift: I am happy.
Not because life turned out exactly as I planned—far from it—but because it turned out in a way that feels right. The chaos has softened into something livable, even beautiful. I have work I care about, relationships that matter, and a deep trust that I can handle what comes next.
Silence no longer swallows me. It holds me. It reminds me that I have survived, that I have grown, and that I am exactly where I am meant to be.
Saturday, August 2, 2025
Where Life Ends and Begins: Reflections at a Baptism
Today, I am sitting in a church pew, watching my cousin’s baby being baptized. A new life is being celebrated—welcomed, blessed, and embraced by family and faith. And as I sit here, surrounded by the coos of a newborn and the quiet murmurs of prayers, tears begin to pour from my eyes.
They are not tears of sadness alone, nor joy alone. They are something more complex—something sacred.
Because while I witness this beautiful beginning, I cannot help but think about one of the most defining endings of my life: my father's death. The months leading to his passing, the caregiving from afar, the grief, the unresolved truths—all of it still lives in me. Life ended, but it didn’t just leave a void. It left a storm, a reckoning, and a transformation.
And now I watch new life begin. I wonder, Will I ever create life? Will I ever be granted the privilege of building a healthy family—one rooted in love, healing, and truth?
There is something powerful about witnessing both ends of life’s spectrum so closely. It humbles you. It sharpens your awareness of time, of relationships, of what truly matters.
Today, I am also overwhelmed with gratitude. My maternal cousins—some of whom I have not always treated with the tenderness they deserved—have stood firmly by my side. Through my father's death and all that followed, they have shown up. No grand gestures, just consistent love. They have been a source of strength when I needed it most.
In contrast, I have felt a haunting silence from my paternal side. Not a single call. Not a word of comfort. I understand why—it is easier to stay silent than to confront the truth I dared to speak. I challenged the narrative, broke the unspoken code, and rejected the manipulation that still runs deep in the hearts of my father’s sisters. And for that, I have been cut off. But I feel no regret. I know my truth. And I know their silence speaks volumes.
Still, this moment is not about bitterness. It is about clarity. It is about honoring the people who show up, and releasing those who cannot. It is about marveling at the cycle of life—how it breaks us, heals us, and sometimes surprises us with grace in the most unexpected places.
As I hold back another wave of tears, I know this much: I am alive. I am feeling. I am reflecting. And I am moving forward—with hope, with pain, and with the unwavering desire to live fully and truthfully.
Friday, August 1, 2025
Wings of Gratitude: A Reflection at 30,000 Feet
There is something sacred about boarding a plane. No matter how many times I’ve flown—whether across oceans, over mountains, or just a few states away—I always find myself pausing to reflect. Maybe it’s the liminal space that exists between takeoff and landing, or the fact that flying demands a kind of surrender. You’re literally not in control, and yet somehow, it always feels like a reset button for my soul.
As I sit here waiting for departure, I’m overwhelmed with a mix of gratitude, disbelief, and a quiet resolve. I think about the life I’ve lived so far—how often I’ve packed bags not just with clothes but with memories, hopes, grief, and sometimes heartbreak. I’ve lived in countries most people only dream of visiting. I’ve loved, lost, stumbled, rebuilt. Some moments have been beautiful, others have been complete shit. But still—this life? It’s been mine. And I wouldn’t trade it.
For so long, I feel like I was just reacting—surviving one chapter after another. I let circumstances shape me, mold me, and sometimes derail me. But now, something is shifting. I’m not just boarding planes—I’m boarding intention. I’m no longer reacting. I’m choosing.
I’m choosing to live with purpose. With presence. With my eyes wide open and my heart—while still bruised in places—beating strong and clear.
Maybe the last 40 years were for becoming. Maybe the next chapter is for being. And if that means letting go of everything I thought I was supposed to be, or all the expectations that were never really mine, then so be it.
Here’s to flying forward—not just in the air, but in life.
Monday, July 28, 2025
Ashes, Closure, and the Fire That Carries Me Forward
There are moments in life that change you forever. Picking up my father’s ashes in Honduras was one of them. It is, without a doubt, one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Nothing could have prepared me for the emotional weight of holding what remained of the man who raised me, who shaped so much of who I am, and who, in many ways, left this world before ever fully arriving in it.
The box was small—too small. How can a whole life fit into something you can hold in both hands? His laughter, his contradictions, his stubbornness, his pain—compressed into ash. It hit me like a wave: there is no coming back from this. No second chances. No more time.
But something unexpected happened in that moment of deep sorrow—a spark lit inside me. A burning fire. Fierce, unrelenting, sacred. Out of grief came clarity. I carry not only his ashes now, but his story, his struggles, and the strength I inherited from watching him fight—even when it was messy and misguided. I feel an impulso para seguir adelante—a push to keep going, to fight for something more, to live fully, and to build a life rooted in truth.
Spending time with my best friend while I was there grounded me in ways I did not even know I needed. With him, I felt safe, seen, known. There was no need to explain myself or mask my emotions. He just got it—got me. Being in his presence felt like returning home to a version of myself I had not felt in a long time. It reminded me of what it is to feel whole again.
In many ways, being reunited with my father’s ashes filled a void I had been carrying for months. The dread I could not name finally had a resting place. Not because the pain disappeared, but because something shifted. I was no longer holding on to absence—I was holding what remained, and it gave me the space to begin releasing.
And then there was the other part of this journey: closure I did not even know I needed. My ex. I got my keys back—but not from his hands. He left them at the front desk of the hotel, without a word. That simple, cold gesture said everything. It hurt. Somewhere deep down, I think I was still hoping he might come back. That maybe he would say what I needed to hear. That maybe he would show up.
But instead, I got silence. And in that silence, I heard the truth. That door is closed. That chapter is over. Taking the keys back was not just about a set of metal and plastic—it was about reclaiming a piece of myself I had left behind, waiting. And with that quiet act of retrieval, I moved forward, alone but whole.
As more time passes, I continue to see my father—and myself—with sharper eyes. He lived much of his life in survival mode. He lied often, and he lived like a beggar—not because he lacked worth, but because he never truly believed he deserved more. That truth is heavy. It hurts to name. But I have to. Because I will not carry that silence any longer. I want to break patterns, not repeat them.
I also know that I have more work to do—especially when it comes to regulating my emotions. My passion can spill out messy and hot. But I am learning. And what I know for sure is that the fire inside me will never be silenced. Especially not in the face of injustice. That fire is sacred. It is the same fire that keeps me fighting for my communities, for my peace, for something better.
Coming back to the U.S., I am facing another truth: I do not know if this country is home for me in the long run. My nervous system rejects this pace, this grind, this disconnection. My body feels it. The push to always produce, the pressure to survive—it drains something vital. Honduras reminded me of slowness, of presence, of the kind of life that does not consume you just for existing. I do not know what the future holds, but I know I want something different. Something softer. Something mine.
This grief has been my teacher. It has stripped me down but revealed what matters most. I do not know exactly what comes next, but I know this: I am not the same woman who got on that plane. I am moving forward—with fire in my belly, keys in my hand, my father’s ashes in my heart, and the unshakable belief that I deserve a life that feels like home.
Monday, July 21, 2025
Ashes, Truth, and the Space I Take With Me
Tuesday, June 24, 2025
Outgrowing the Past: On Endings, Discipline, and Choosing Myself
Recently, I ended a friendship that had lasted since middle school. We had a deep history—years of shared experiences, laughter, mistakes, and growing up. I always imagined we would be in each other’s lives forever. But the truth is, we grew in different directions. I kept making room in my life for someone who no longer made space for me. And over time, I realized that holding on was hurting more than letting go.
This decision did not come from anger. It came from clarity. From the understanding that honoring your peace sometimes means walking away from what once felt familiar.
At the same time, my youngest brother has been deployed to Qatar for over a month now. Watching him step into that level of service and responsibility has shifted something in me. His courage, discipline, and quiet strength have made me reflect on how I want to show up in my own life. What am I committed to? What do I need to let go of in order to grow?
That reflection has led me to make my social media private again—not because I am hiding, but because I am protecting. My peace. My healing. My boundaries. I am no longer interested in being visible to everyone. I want to be present with myself.
This is a season of shedding: old roles, old friendships, old versions of myself. I am not who I used to be, and that is something I am learning to celebrate instead of mourn.
To the people and parts of my past I have outgrown: thank you. You were necessary. And now, I am choosing something new—something grounded, disciplined, and aligned with who I am becoming.