A few days ago I came to a shocking realization that I have never really considered the motives or intentions of my words and actions. See, I've always been a person that let's emotions run their course. Regardless, if I am right or wrong I always fight for what I believe to be just and true. This of course doesn't always mean I am correct or that I haven't caused pain to the opposing side.
Living in Fengjie, has given me a lot of time to meditate and get to know myself creating a personal growth spur that I myself still can't believe. I have come to understand that truth just as time are illusory concepts. These two concepts are subject to a person's perception. Funny how our cognitive development plays such a big role on perception. One of my students said to me, " Ms. Dani, I agree that all human beings are equal regardless of their gender, race and nationality, but really we all live in different worlds." As, I looked for ways to refute this statement I smiled at her and said, " You are one smart cookie."
After being left speechless, I became conscious of the verity of the concept that we all experience life through a unique lens. Each brain process its own viewpoints depending of the experiences it has had and though I don't want to get into the psychological, philosophical argument of this, it dawned on me that all of our actions and motives are linked to how we perceive. I never really gave much thought as to why I say or do things. This is probably because I have been always a person that reacts emotionally to people and circumstances. But I guess as maturity starts to catch up to me I decided to go through a personal journey as to how I truly identify with the world.
It has come to my attention that most of my motives derive from a sense of wanting to be right and just not really caring who or the pain it may cause. As if I needed to prove the world around that it was wrong and I was right. This has had a very negative impact in my interpersonal relationships mostly cause I lack tact with words and also because I really believe that my way of thinking is the truth. This inspection of myself has led me to believe that really no one likes to hear the truth because the truth varies depending on perception. There is not one universal truth and really no one holds it. What one person believes to be true another thinks of it as a fallacy.
It has been through my meditation practice that I have come to be aware of my real intentions when it comes to my actions and let's just say that they aren't always noble or selfless. Actually, they tend to be more in the selfish side more than I care to admit. As a teacher, this concerns me. Here I am shaping and molding young minds but I am really doing it with the right intentions. It got me asking myself a million questions. What I came to recognize is that once you are in tune with your real self you can start making better choices on your behavior. Blaming the external or internal elements really does not help one get to know oneself better and start making real change.
The best advice I can give to anyone who reads this is to really get to know yourself and learn to accept all of the intricacies that make you who you are. I believe we are all teachers. Our words and behavior are examples that the people we come in contact with on a daily basis absorb. Our energy is expelled and if we don't know how to cultivate a positive energy flow then we are educating in a flawed way. Think about what kind of teacher you are? Are people learning effectively around you? This is not to say we are perfect or have to be, but it does help you leave a positive mark in the people you come in contact with.
